Changing directions and reflections on 2010. Who I am, who I was, and who I hope to be. That's what this post is about. My absolute best thinking time is in the car while driving. If I could blog my thoughts it would be amazing. Sit back it's a long one. This was written little at a time over the course of a few weeks :)
The other day I ran into someone that I have known for 13 years. She doesn't know me well. I guess you could say we know of each other but don't "know" each other.
Anyways...she said "Jennifer, there is something different about you." She noticed I had lost a little weight, she mentioned that. But then she went on to say that I just seemed different. Now if someone that knows of me but doesn't know me, then surely those in my life that know me well can tell. I told her that I have changed. A lot. Not just that I have changed but that people, situations and circumstances in my life had also changed. Which are all good things. Everything I am referring to are good things. Even though there were bad things I had to go through to get to the good ones. But that's life. The saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is so true.
I can only give so much credit to myself for the changes I have made. The true credit goes to the man above. To God be the glory! I give him all the praise. I used to hear people say when you get a stronger relationship with Jesus, everything gets better. Notice I said better, not easier. Having a closer relationship with our Heavenly Father doesn't give you a "never have any more problems or bad times or no drama card" it just makes your faith, how you handle and react to those problems better. I decide a few months back to focus on a few things. First and foremost I wanted to strengthen my relationship with the Lord. 2) I wanted to focus on losing weight. 3) I wanted to keep being the best wife and mom that I can be. That's what I wanted and that's what I have done. Of course it is still and will always be a work in progress. Especially the losing weight part. hehe.
I can tell that Jesus is truly in my heart. I have traded cussing through my problems and pain for praying through them (I was at the dentist getting a tooth pulled. Old me would have been cussing up a storm in my head. I had a bad mouth on me. I mean BAD. Instead I was praying telling God that I have faith he is gonna make it all good) I have traded picking up the phone and calling my girlfriends to tell them my exciting news to giving praise to the Man above. I have traded putting my 2cents in about people or their problems to listening and seeing where I can be of help. I have traded in when someone upsets me or makes me mad to praying to God to calm me down. Another thing that I used to hear that I honestly used to think was garbage was "forgiveness isn't for the person that wronged you, it's for you." Well I am here to testify that it is true. By forgiving those that hurt or wrong you you are really doing a great service to your heart and soul. I thought, you know, how can I expect or hope for God to forgive me but yet I withhold forgiveness from those who hurt me. Just to let you know how Good God is, HE will still forgive us even if we don't forgive others. That is how much he loves us!
This year has been so up and so down. So many good things and some bad. I have met new people and friends and am building relationships with people that I know will last a lifetime. I have lost bonds with people that I loved & that I would have at one time had their back anytime hands down no questions asked. I truly hate it. I wish things could be different. Those people can think what they want of me. They really don't even know me. I know what's in my heart. The Lord knows what is in my heart. I forgive them.
That's how it is. People come and go. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a short time some forever. Think about it for a minute. Do a quick checklist in your head of who has came and went in your life. Everyone that comes into our lives is for a reason. Unfortunately some people come and don't bring pleasant things or experiences. As much as that may hurt, it's for a reason. It taught us something. I had to distance myself from some people. I felt bad for feeling like the best thing was distance or separation. I felt mean and heartless. Then it occurred to me. No, it's not wrong to know when to put distance between people that don't belong there. I mean after all there are actually some marriages that just don't make it because they just can't get along, or don't see eye to eye on things. Those marriages end. It's sad. Not to say that you have to part ways being bitter enemies or on bad grounds, but that you just agree to disagree and move on. I mentioned marriage only because friendships and other relationships are not that much different than a marriage. They all require work, time and attention. Trust, love, and laughter. The people in our life should bring out the best in us.
Are ya tired of reading yet? Like I was saying so much about me is changing. I was cooking dinner tonight and I was giggling on the inside at the thought of how much my Friday nights have changed. No joke every.single. Friday night my husband would take me to dinner. Let's see we have been married for 13 years. No kidding we went out to eat every Friday night for the first 12 of those years. For the last year we have been eating at home. Even for the rest of the weekend. We used to eat out Friday night, Saturday night and most Sundays. Now we only eat out on Sunday's after church. I'll take the kids for pizza once a week as a treat. That was just an example of how much my life has changed. When Jason & I had MacKenzie I was at the mall every single weekend buying new clothes for she & I. The last time I got a new article of clothing was last December when I was supposed to be Christmas shopping for others. (hehe) I used to get a new purse once a month or so. Last new purse I got was last year for my Birthday. So yeah my life has changed drastically. And ya know what? I couldn't be happier.
I'll tell you something else. This time in 2009 I said "2010 is gonna be a good year!" I said it. I meant it and for the most part it was. So I'll say it again, "2011 is going to be awesome!"
I hope to continue getting closer and closer to the Lord. I hope God uses me in every way to lead others to HIM and that HE tells me where HE wants me to serve in our ah~mazing church Crosspointe Christian Fellowship in Olive Branch! I hope to strengthen those new friendships. I hope to keep working at those old friendships. I hope to spend more time with my parents. I hope to grow our business. Lastly, I hope to finally finally lose this weight and become healthy!
Merry Christmas & A Happy & blessed 2011 to each and everyone of you!
0 comments:
Post a Comment